part one
it was California always
always California my back
was to the land the land
was pushing me to the edge
a force flowing to an ocean
I could only see in the offing
but not find beneath my feet
so I didn’t know how high up
I was or how steep the cliff
but I felt cold wind blowing
up from below saw there
were mountains to my right
meaning they were north of me
and those hillsides stepping
down to the ocean meant
I was south of the bay with
no idea how I got there but
as I turned for more bearings
I caught a glimpse of the sheer
misery that waited for me
saw the sharp merciless gray
stone and felt in my bones
the land behind me the whole
damned engine of it pushing
me out the door a bum’s rush
they were heaving me over
board saying I would have to
go sooner or later so why
not let go free-fall and drop
down in a head-first but I
could also see how that head
would ricochet off the sharp
outcrops all the way down
and my heart tightened into
a small red fist of meat while
my left hand reached back
as fast it could and as far over
as my shoulder would let me
so I could find a cleft or a crack
or a root that would help me
resist gravity and the slide over
I was trying to avoid and save
the life I had hoped for and not
lose it to something as insane
as the landmass of a whole
nation that turned against
part two
me when I saw that the shadow
of my left hand held a long
iron spike as if lifted from
a railroad sleeper, those ties
that space the rails and hold
them in place and as I knew
I was dreaming so still had
some say in the matter I buried
that iron spike in the rockface
and dragged myself back onto
the planet so that when I woke
to write this down and saw
the lilacs outside my window
and heard a spring shower
ending that unlike the beads
of water that had formed
on the tips of everything I
loved and believed in I knew
as well as I knew anything
in my life I did not have to fall