I’ve heard the phrase “make love, not war” many times before,
But I guess I must have misplaced that piece of advice when I entered a war zone between my
mind and my body.
I never really realized how much I disliked myself until I was standing in front of a dressing
room mirror, reflecting all the neglecting I’ve done to myself.
Dear me,
I’m so sorry that I broke you trying to fix other people who don’t want to be saved,
Because you cannot save everyone, no matter how much you try to pry yourself into their soul
because
I know you see yourself in them,
The torment, hell-bent, resent,
Lending parts of yourself to other people to the point where you’ve become see-through,
It’s lethal to believe that they’ll consume you,
Break you to rearrange you,
To the point where you’re never yourself again.
I hated you.
I hurt you, abused you,
Misused you,
A war on terror against my own skin with scars of infinite sins
A horrific masterpiece and an artwork sprung from the darkest parts of my mind,
I want to hide,
But I can’t run away from you at the same time,
Because you’re me, and I’m you,
And I don’t know what to do because I did not want to look as disoriented as my own thoughts
are,
Did it start when you wore a dress and you didn’t like your legs,
Did it start when you stepped on a scale and a healthy weight failed,
Did it start when your parents argued about your weight that let to self-hate,
Or did it start when, did it start when, did it start when… I don’t want to know when
I just remember when my mind and my body started to realign like the moon, the sun and the
earth reaching a newfound eclipse of a balance because
I cannot exchange your value into wanting to become someone you’ll never be,
I had to gain the recognition that not everybody’s my competition,
Looked back at my reflection, read between the lines that said
You do not have to look like everyone else in the room to prove that you belong,
Fit in nowhere than fit in everywhere
Because it isn’t wrong to feel insecure
But you spent so much time stuck in your head that you neglect and often forget that
Silent is violent.
But being emotional doesn’t make you weak.
Love your emotions because feeling everything is better than feeling nothing at all,
You need to stop hiding your wounds in order to take time to heal,
You need to embrace your chubbiness, stubbornness, and the beauty that is beginning to
blossom, like a rose begging for water after its lost some
Because self-love is a big deal, don’t just push it aside because the universe created you so
perfectly imperfect,
Please, find home within yourself instead of finding it everywhere else
Because your mind and your body are starting to reach peace,
Something so beautiful
That no one ever will be able to take away from you.